Shinobi with Alex Kidd - No Kidding!

What the devil? This is Shinobi with Alex Kidd. Alex Kidd was an awful game. But then again, so was the Sega Master System conversion of Shinobi.

But put those two cr*ptastic game together and what do you get ? Absolute pure 8 bit joy.

The graphics absolutely scream 8 bit goodness. Easy on the eye with pathetic backgrounds but pleasing use of the limited palette to make weird and wonderful enemies.

Even the rubbish sound effects, but easy on the ear music, brought out all the nostalgic goodness of the Sega's 8 bit sound chip.

Best of all, it was super easy. After that trauma I had with Contra and Gradius, this was a breath of fresh air.

I always knew that there was something special about the Sega Master System.

Brothers in Arms: Hour of Heroes - Makes me want to phone my Mom!

When it comes to portable games, Nintendo seems to get it just right. When it came out, I was fascinated and hyped, until the the graphics wh*re in me turned my attention to the PSP. The touch screen, was a breakthrough gimmick but unfortunately most of the games, especially the first party games, were better controlled using the keypad.

It was a nice gimmick though, but as a form of control, it was not as good as I hoped it was going to be. It worked and was refreshingly fun up to a point, but the control pads were always better.

This brings me to my rant. I am amazed that there are some fantastic looking games that are out for the iPhone. The price is cheap too and can be bought quickly with just a download.

But the controls are just so darn awful. It's like a PSP but with the gimmicky Nintendo DS touch screen control stuck on on it. Nintendo were smart with the two screen, but on one screen, it's a nightmare! The controls were so unbalanced and so hard to get into that after an hour of play, I still didn't want to get used to it.

Playing Brothers in Arms: Hour of Heroes on the iPhone was horrifying. I was so hyped for this game and really wanted to like it too.

I feel like another game of Chuckie Egg just to calm me down.

Shadow of the Beast - Oh Amiga!

If you owned a Commodore Amiga, the first thing you wanted to do with it was to load those great demos and games that showed off it's awesome sound capabilities.

The Atari St just couldn't match it and what more to compound that fact but with a game like Shadow of the Beast.

Was it a good game? No. But the game wasn't about game play. It was about braving your way through the stiff controls and difficult game play so that you can show more of the incredible music and graphics to yourself and your friends.

It supplemented it's already awesomeness with a T-shirt and an awesome box that was bigger than usual. Unfortunately, it was so awesome that the price was even bigger back then.

Back then multiple layer parallel scrolling, or was it parallex? Double figure frames per second and 4096 colors onscreen, even though it was a few screen shots, were something that just seemed to wow everyone.

Now, 32 bit, 16 million colors, blah-blah frames per second, HD 720-pah to 1080i don't care, textures that are so realistic that it has now become such a norm that I can only get the wow factor by having online multiplay with foam expletive strangers and the ever increasing level of taboo breaking desensitized violence.

By the way. Games do cause violence. Try Gradius 3.

Board of Pac Man?

Pac Mania was the game that oozed easy playability and with it's fantastic controls, no other Pac Man game would ever top it.

Well, this board game comes pretty close. Roll the dice and gobble as many white balls as possible without getting caught by the ghosts.

Crikey, you might just be able to play this game against yourself, much like what those Chess snobs do.

Contra 4 - Nintendo DS

4 Different Characters, with bonus contents such as covers and screenshot infos etc. Nice.

Pumping music, super parallax scrolling and real weapons, not just some dodgy spray all over the place piece of rubbish in the original, and a grappling hook.

Nice use of two screens. Something that Apple iPhone users forget when they're talking about touch screen gameplay. This just makes the boss fight scenes look absolutely insane.

Talking about insane. Holy cr*p! I thought going through Gradius 3 was hard. This was insanely difficult.

Contra - Can't Try!

That's it. It's confirmed. Current generation games have all but k*lled my nostalgic taste for classics. It's the mindless gore, violence and online multiplayer you see.

Nice power ups, even a 3d-ish level tucked in there. What's not to like?

Constant shooting with little or no plot to spur you on. Not enough eye candy, in fact the game is practically bland. The cover looks nice, though.

My attention span lasted all but a few minutes. Without a 2nd player, the classic that I was gagging for back then has now become a chore.

Can't believe this has happened. I can't believe I now need more eye candy.

What's this? Contra 4?

Mirror's Edge - 8 Bit Version!

Mirror Edge is a nice game. Just look at that open space and freedom you get from hopping around buildings. Amazing. But after a while, the clipping, the quick but non-lasting euphoria, frustrating difficulty begins to appear and your reminded just how good Chuckie Egg was.

But wait? Mirror's Edge but in 2d? In flash?

one hour later...

Fun.

iPhone vs DS vs PSP - It's Not That Silly, if you think about it.

There isn't a single department where the games on the iPhone actually trumps the PSP or DS.

There are no killer games and that is what the games market is usually about. Nintendo and it's Super Silly Marios', PSP and it's constant milking of sports/racing games.

But then, I'm thinking in 8 bit terms.

The gaming world is now about multiplayer and online. Come to think of it, the iPhone just needs a killer app and then it's going to be a major player.

Imagine a mini WoW, Eve and Oblivion online for the iPhone / Touch. It has the graphics, the touch screen, the iTunes place to download, and it has the capacity to store whatever is needed for a massive online game, such as updates and upgrades.

But then again, we're still waiting for Gran Turismo Portable for the PSP and a decent online RTS on the DS.

So, the iPhone and it's online multiplayer games is probably not going to happen.

Gradius 4 - So Pretty.

Hi-Res, textures, lighting, all the things we take for granted, but for a shooter with difficulty bordering m*rder, there must be something to preserve for.

Gradius 4 is darn difficult. Even if you try to pattern read the bosses, you still need a fair bit of latent reflex to get through them.

Still, the difficulty is helped by the slow down, which I still think is a deliberate attempt.

Yet, I persevered through the series. After playing Gradius 4, I just cannot go back to the original Gradius. I wouldn't touch Gradius 3. Gradius 2 does have some warm, play me more music though. Nope. No more.

In fact, back to Chuckie Egg for me.

Gradius 3 - Just 8 Bit of Punishment

Unforgiving! Relentless! Punishing! Misery! What the devil! Should games like this be this difficult? Thank goodness for the slow downs. I wonder if that was a deliberate attempt by the programmers to say 'hey, we found it &$&%&$ hard too.'

That's it. I'm done with the Gradius series.

What the..? There's a forth one? Talk about pasteurization!

I'm certainly not going to punish myself with Gradius 4.

Gradius 2 - Simply Outstanding Improvement

From the flaming first level to the flaming end of level boss and the gorgeous feel good music! With a proper shield and gorgeous level designs, this obliterates the original.

But what the bacon?!

My Gears of War skills honed to a tee were not enough to reach further than a few levels of this game. Kept dying, and dying and dying. Of course I kept trying and trying, but there are limits that a person can take before it becomes punishment.

But hang on... another Gradius?

Gradius - Ports better than Original?

Difficult? Cumbersome? Lethargic controls? Speed ups that should not be an option but a requisite? Yes! For crying out loud! Even the graphics didn't boggle the imagination and the end of level boss variation was blasphemy!

Still, the music was all goodness and that's probably what's going to keep me persevering at the infuriating difficulty. Well, that is until I've learned the pattern of dodging impossible bullets without the help of options.

But wait.....what's this?

Pac Mania - Better than Pac Man?

Is this possible? Something better than pac man?

The graphics are updated and has a nice spacious feel to it. Probably because it's an Amiga Version. But wait! You can jump! ... Over the ghosts! What?! ... The ghosts can jump too?

The controls are silky smooth. This reminds me of a Super Mario 64 game. The controls feels great and the jumps are just the required addition that makes this better than the original.

Well, almost.

It does get boring after a few hours and after a mini marathon, I didn't have the urge to play it again the next day. I can't help but feel it has something to do with the original pacman's sound effects.

paku-paku-paku! Splat!

Pac Man - Could this be the best game ever?

Could this be possible? The Super Marios, the Metroids and the Contras! All the usual pile of poo that litter the top 10 best 8 bit games. Could Pac Man be the best ever game? I think so.

We're not talking about the insane amount of clones, but the classic original. So simple. It's so the type of game that you can pass the time with, oblivious to the world of HD and multiplayer.

Is it difficult? Kinda, but most who have played it have a pattern and stuck with it. Most give up when they reach the later levels. It's the simple eating the dot sounds, eating the big dot so you can eat the multi-colored ghosts that have been blue-ray-terrified that makes it so addictive. Not addictive like you have to play it day and night, but enough to warrant the odd fix.

But wait...

R-Type Dimensions - Xbox 360

Incredible! On the fly 2d to 3d graphics. Such a nice gimmick. Such a great way to lift that dull boring game that it has now become and given it a refreshing face lift. To be honest though. Although the lighting effects are nice, the 2d graphics update just seems like a hi res flash game. In fact, come to think of it, I much prefer the graphics of the original. It feels good. I think I'm going to give that old pc engine game another go and see if my muscle memory has improved. Nostalgia eh!

R-Type - PC Engine Arcade Perfect

R-Type, the game was so difficult and so slow paced that it's hard to see why I fell in love with it a long time ago. I guess it was the fact that I was duped by the words 'Arcade Perfect'. The PC Engine conversion was just absolutely amazing for an 8 bit machine. The graphics and the ... graphics. I guess, the words 'arcade perfect' was probably what started me on the road to being a graphic wh*re.

I kept persevering with it so I could be rewarded with the nice graphics on later scenes and levels. But what was frustrating was that until I learned the patterns, this game was punishing. One hit and your left with just a seriously basic blaster and then warped into a myriad of bullets.

It hasn't aged well. It's become a boring shooter. I blame the current generation of games with it's fabulously, jaw dropping graphics which has drained the gameplay and challenge out of me. But wait, what's this?

Shinobi - Sega Master Garbage

This was a game I so wanted to enjoy. The ninjas, the shuriken and the cool end of level bosses. But the music, the controls, the graphics, the scrolling when the ninja goes up a level are terrible. I just couldn't get into the music and where was the ninja magic? There were so many frustrating parts and the timing of the jumps are just too rigid.

However, I was pretty sure that when I first bought this, I was loving every minute of it. I guess some things change. Gears of War, 3d platform games and analog sticks have really spoilt me.

Punch Out - Nes Boxing Game

This was an exciting boxing game when I first played it. The action was fast and smooth and the punches felt right. I loved the different characters that you had to fight and I liked the way there was a strategy that was required to beat them.

I still remembered when I got all the way to Mike Tyson and beat him. What joy! What satisfaction! Boy! Was it rewarding.

Magnavox Odyssey - What a Name! What a load of...names.

Philips Videopac G7000 aka Magnavox Odyssey aka Philips Odyssey aka the console I played with my Uncle but couldn't be bothered to remember the name. Only two games were available to me when I was young and those two games I cannot for the life of me remember what their names were. One was a space invaders game, while the other one was a racing game. The powers of the internet meant I could find those games and what a surprise it was. The racing game was called Race and the space invader game was called Space Monster. There was me thinking it was going to be 2D Turbo Racer Driver or Space Fighter Universe.

Schneider 7200 - The Philips VideoPac Variant

Look at this monstrosity of a design! Wow! A built in black and white monitor with a flat keyboard and 2 detachable controllers. In fact there is a white version which looked ridiculously awful. Check out this website that has a comprehensive overview of this unique and rare computer/games machine. If only I was born many years earlier I would have bought one of these and played this to the death!